The best kind of humans are the ones who stay.
R.M Drake
Just before I left work today, I chatted with two of my new colleagues. Both of them live in the city and being a Friday evening, I found myself almost immediately having flashbacks of weekend-celebratory happy hours at a variety of bars in the Lakeview, Lincoln Park, and Wrigleyville neighborhoods of Chicago.
For a moment or two, I wished that was part of my evening plans again. A night with friends, bar food, one-too many drinks, and late night laughs and schenanigans, while surrounded by the city's atmospheric lights. Honestly, that sounded perfect to me.
But then, I will never complain about how my evening has actually gone, and maybe even my now forty-year-old, suburban Chicago life preference:
Wearing comfy clothes, while drinking a few glasses of red wine and getting cuddles from my daughter and furry best friend, and balancing my attention between TV crime shows, this blog post, and the two keeping me company.
To tell you the truth, putting a post together has been more of a struggle lately, even though it's what I've really felt an urge to do. Part of it has to do with all that I've been going through (new house, new job, continued mom and family life) and feeling a bit under the weather these last two weeks, but as I've come to understand, the majority has a lot has to do with my own healing process. It was a something I never really knew I had to go through, but became apparent from a session with a trusted spiritual guide a few years ago, and is now a big part of my private self-reflections, and the resulting inner work that has led me to an increase in awareness, self love, and acceptance.
In admitting all of this so openly, I think it can more accurately explain how I've come to view my time in Chicagoland. (FYI: For any unfamiliar to the area, the local understanding is the city of Chicago and its surrounding suburbs.)
Somehow, I have now lived here for almost fifteen years. Honestly there are some times, when I'm alone in my thoughts, and find it very hard to believe. But then again, I really can still picture many moments of my relocation to this once-new city, in late November in 2008, accompanied by my parents as we drove two packed cars from Pittsburgh all the way to Chicago.
Actually, my memory still includes having an unplanned Turkey Day dinner at a chain restaurant just outside the northern city limits near our hotel-for-the-night , with them finding us a table for three after my mom shared the story of a "her daughter getting a new job nearby and moving into a one-bedroom apartment, alone in this huge city."
Yes, it was a job that brought me here back in 2008, one that was far from a dream job. But, it has more than proved to be a steppingstone in my journey, if not more. One thing I've likely never openly shared is that my past held a lot of intuitive signs that now make it seem that Chicago was always part of the plan for me. I can still remember "signs of Chicago", especially during my college days, which maybe at the time I saw as weird coincidences, if anything at all.
But now, fifteen years later, I truly believe that Chicago was meant to be the backdrop of this chapter of my life. Whether it was for me to always become a Child Life Specialist or the sole purpose being the creation of my family of three (plus a dog), I will never forget that this city had a first-row seat to my own personal journey of self-love and (re) discovery.
So, thank you, Chicago. I really did try to leave you in the beginning, believing that Ohio was where I was meant to be. But I am truly glad I stayed, even as hard as became at times. This city has seen me at my worst- fearful, anxious, exhausted, scared, and hopeless- but now., able to be seeing what I believe is the best I've ever felt, at least in a very long time.
I wouldn't mind some sunnier and warmer days, but I am grateful for all that you've given me (especially Emma and Taylor) and all that you've guided me to become through these challenges and hardships, as they've made me stronger and connected me more to the person I've always hoped to be.
No matter where we this journey may take me, I'll never forget all that Chicago has given me these past fifteen years.