If I told you all what I did at work the last two days, you’d probably cry. Then you’d say, I don’t know how you can do that. I know this because it’s been said to me many times over the last nine years of my Child Life Specialist career at three suburban hospitals in Chicago.
In a hospital, you really do see it all.
People celebrating the best days of their lives with the birth of babies or completion of treatments and hospital admissions; while others are experiencing their very worst moments though devastating diagnoses, tragic accidents, end-of-life conversations or the death of someone that they truly loved.
I was reminded of this as I stood by a grieving family as said their final goodbyes to a young child who was taken from them way too soon. Amongst this large loving family were a dozen other children, holding balloons to be released in memory of their brother, cousin, and friend, and parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles who were only beginning to process the child’s unexpected death and enter into their new world shadowed by grief.
Before I headed home, I embraced the quiet in our now empty office, finally having the time to reflect on the day. All I could think about is this little boy and his family, wishing this never happened to them, and that their sweet boy was still running around the house pretending to be Spider-Man with using his fingers as webshooters. Not even knowing this family before their tragic hospital stay, it pained me to know that all I could do for them now is hold their son’s hand for legacy-creating hand molds and fingerprint necklaces.
Losing a child is the one thing about life that I’ll never be able to fully understand. I guess is my rhetorical why. I’ve seen the impact of never-ending grief on a few of my friends, and many more parents and family members through my work over the years. And honestly, if I could only change one thing in this world, it would most certainly be to prevent anyone from having to mourn the loss of a child, or really anyone they love.
But sadly, this is the world we live in. Just as some days are filled by love and happiness, others are marked by loss and heartache. There are millions of people in the world grieving the death of a loved one, yet you may never know who they are or how they were forever changed.
Maybe I think about this too much because of my line of work, or how my personal experiences have made me more aware and empathetic to the pain and sadness that lives within so many of us. Whatever the case may be, it has forever changed me.
While I may not be able to prevent illness, trauma, death and grief, I can share my stories and ask you to be more aware of the grieving hearts that are around you.
After all, someone's life really can change in a moment. I know this because it happened to me ten years ago, and is a moment I’ll never forget.
The truth is, you just never know who may be having the worst moment of their lives, whether in a hospital or not.
Did a stranger at the grocery store just get a life-changing call that a love one died?
Did the parent at school pickup just find out their best friend since childhood has a terminal diagnosis?
Is the person at the airport rushing back with hope to see their parent one more time before being taken off life support?
We really just never know what another person may be feeling or going through. So remember this, and most importantly, please be kind.
And if you really want to know the answer to the question, How do you do it?
Honestly, when it comes to work, you focus on the family who needs you to be their strength; and when it’s your family, I have to believe that you’re spiritually provided the strength that you need to keep going for the ones you love.
That’s the only answers I have. There’s really just no other explanation for it.