Be grateful for every single person who was part of your story. The ones that hurt you. The ones that helped you. Because they all taught you. (Yasmin Mogahed)
When I was a teenager, I can remember struggling a lot with friendship. From what I can remember, it began in eighth grade when some of my closest friends and years-long soccer teammates began hanging out with other girls and made me feel very isolated. It continued more throughout high school as it caused more confusion and hurt as I felt even more distanecd from those former friends who now barely acknowleged me in the hallway or our mutual classes. If I'm being honest, I even ended up quitting the high school soccer team before my junior year because I really struggled to be around some of those girls who were once the ones that I grew up with on and off the field and had many sleepovers with.
Despite the loss of some of those friendships, I found new ones with many others, including classmates from different grade levels and Snack Shackers (from my job at the community pool). I found great friends in my basketball teammates, as we bonded over our love for the game and frustrations with the coach. We created a little family who was able to support one another through our individual struggles as both players and teenagers. We spent six days a week at practices, bus rides to games, and also weekend sleepovers. My basketball girls really helped me through such a challenging time in my life, as I struggled greatly with our coach who really caused me a lot of additional distrust and anxiety over his mistreatment of me as a both a player and person.
My freshman year also introduced me to a new student from a neighboring school district. someone whose confidence I greatly admired and felt that I could
always be myself around her. She encouraged me to be more silly and free, and also allowed me to be more open my doubts and emotions, which as a teenager I had an overabundance of. She is not only one of my best friends to this day, but our friendship has grown so much that it's now united our families together.
As I look back on my high school years, I realize now that I was one of those people who was friends with everyone but while I know it's a great attribute to have, it wasn't something that I felt at the time. I remember longing to finding friends to feel connected to and enjoy weekend nights with. Lucky for me, my wishes were soon granted as I found myself surrounded by an array of new friends during my college years.
While at Ohio University, I formed friendships that have remained close to my heart for the past (almost) twenty years. These friends of mine were not only there to enjoy many, many college adventures and fun nights at house parties and bars on Court Street, but they were by my side as I explored life outside of my hometown. supported me as I struggled with my first broken heart, and really stood by me as I began to figure out my own identity.
While I have remained close with many of my college friends, I've been very fortunate to have many additional great friendships that were created during my relocations, initially in Columbus and now Chicago for the last thirteen years. Some of these friends were ones that I met before meeting my husband in 2012, while others are ones that I met him, some of my recent jobs, and our daughter through her schooling and own circle of friends.
I share all of this because I want to acknowledge how much I value my friendships and have felt such unconditional love and support throughout this incredibly challenging and isolating journey. Many of our friends have been by our sides since my husband's illness first came into our lives, with our friends from our school years also knowing us very well beforehand, as either individuals or a couple.
Many friends, including those from our past who we haven't seen in awhile, have been incredibly thoughtful and generous to send us messages, gifts, and monetary support, while others have been extremely helpful in providing rides or playdates for our daughter. I want you to know that we have greatly felt loved and supported by each gifted item and every word of your messages. My hope is that you never find yourself faced with this disease or any other similiar health struggles or challenges within your family, but if you do then please know that I’ll be there for you, just as you've been there for us.
Our journey with this disease has really caused us to reflect on our lives, reminding us that life really is more about the people that we meet and the friendships that guide us along our way. Unfortunately, my husand's illness has had a great impact on many of our friendships as his daily struggles and changes in pesonality have really created more isolation and physical distance that even a global pandemic by itself can cause.
For awhile I've really struggled to fight for these friendships on his behalf, trying to help some of those friends better understand our vast struggles and the increased concerns as we've witnessed many declines in his health over the past two years. I knew the importance of these friendships and truly recognized many of these friends as members of his family. I've recognized the complexity of this disease and the confusion that his array of fluctuating symptoms can create confusion or misunderstandings of his struggles. But to be honest, I've come to realize for myself (finally), that I simply cannot keep worrying about those who who have their own opinions and doubts, and instead have to focus my energy on the family members who need me to love and care for them.
So in wrapping up this post, I want to recognize all of the people who have supported our family over the years in a variety of ways, including through prayers and following our story through this blog.
A few nights ago, I had the chance to share a glass of wine with one of my closest friends at her home in Ohio and enjoy time together with our children for a sleepover. Sitting there with her, I shared more details about our family's continued struggles and listened to her stories of being a parent of two, while also reminiscing about our days in Athens and adventures together over the years in Chicago and Cleveland. In talking with her about my husband's continued progression, I shared how helpful it is that she knew both of us so well before this disease took over our lives. She agreed and even recognized just how much my husband has changed in the past ten years that she's known him, even acknowledging his physical changes our FaceTime call with him.
It made me realize that a lot of people who know me, may not really know my husband that well, and so I'll share that he was a lot like me in terms of always being a kind, loyal, and supportive friend, as well as a leader and mentor to his colleagues and students. He was the guy that you could always trust and count on to have your back during any challenges in life, and also the one who would gladly buy you a beer to celebrate your birthday or new achievement.
This disease has really taken away an incredible friend to many, including me, but while he's still here and maintains times of cognitive awareness and lucidity, I hope that he can enjoy many more good times and memories with his friends and loved ones.
As my husband has said in his many, many toasts over the years, we say thank you and wish you and your family the absolute best:
"To Health, Happiness, Good Times, and The Best of Friends."
.