Moments You Never Forget

My daughter kept asking, “Is it time yet?”

Each time I turned around from the couch and opened the blinds behind me, checking to see if it was dark enough yet. Shortly after nine o’clock, it finally was. So she and I headed out to the backyard with our dog. As she sat on my lap, watching the fireworks being set off down the street at one of the local high schools, I was reminded of a night like this a few years back.

It was the first Fourth of July at our former home. Our new puppy was asleep in an upstairs bedroom next to her dad, leaving just the two of us. She was insistent on watching the fireworks, so I agreed to let her stay up. While we waited for them to begin, she cuddled up and we watched videos of her younger years on my laptop. We both laughed and smiled, and I gave her so many kisses and cuddles. She was a cute and sweet baby, then a very curious and silly toddler.

She really was the light in such a dark and difficult time in our lives.

She still is.

There was another July 4th that we spent together, one that I only think about when I see this photo. Her dad was having a rough day, so we left our tiny apartment and headed to a nearby park so that he could nap.

At first, I was shocked that we were the only ones there, but then realized that everyone else was spending the holiday with their family and friends, much like we had usually done. For many years, we were in Pittsburgh around my family and friends, enjoying time together and staying up late for the fireworks.

But instead, we were alone at a park. And I felt so alone too. But I had Emma.

I tried my best not to let my sadness waste her fun, taking our trademark tongues-out selfie together when she took a pause from playing. I smiled as she ran around and rode down the slides, preventing me from thinking about my husband's health struggles and the pending move from our apartment into his parents' house.

These memories are from four and five years ago, respectively, yet they are still so vivid in my mind. They remind me that there are just some moments in life that you never forget.

But why? Why do some stay with us, while others quickly fade away?

The truth is, there really are just some moments that simply have an everlasting impact on us. And maybe it’s because some things are just meant to be remembered, or possibly, they aren’t supposed to be forgotten.

Whether it's the connection that is shared between the people involved or the subconscious emotions that arise though glances, chats, smiles, laughs, fears or tears, they remain on our mind and stay in our hearts.

The good ones create beautiful memories that we love revisiting over and over again. And the difficult times, things we sometimes wish we could forget, they stay within us too. Perhaps some of our pastimes are meant to be recalled at the time when we need them to resurface again, to guide us along our way or remind us how far we've come.

To be honest, I'm still trying to figure all that out as I find myself.

Why are there these moments in my life that I can't forget? Should I let them go, once and for all? Or am I supposed to keep holding onto them tightly, because they are the kind of moments that I'm supposed to remember because of the impact they've had on my life?

Because after all, since I can still picture them so vividly after all these years, they must have touched my heart and soul in ways that no one else may ever understand.

Maybe I can't forget because I need to remember just what these moments meant to me. How they made me feel, how they guided me, and how shaped me.

And at times, they picked me up off the ground and gave me the strength to believe that better will come.