Walking home from work at the hospital last Friday night, somewhere along a busy Greenwood Avenue, I had a recollection that took me back to the past. The moment was of my early days in Chicago, when I spent much of my time commuting on a combination of trains and buses between the office in Skokie and my first city apartment at the intersection of Diversey and North Pine Grove in Lincoln Park.
Some of those nightly walks home from the bus stop or train station were over a decade ago, yet I find myself having moments like this where it doesn't feel like so much time has passed by.
Maybe this particular moment took me back due to the serenity brought on by the unexpected sunshine, which always greatly appreciated during these grey Midwest winters. Or that I was feeling so relaxed walking home to weekend night of comfy clothes, puppy and kid cuddles, glasses of red wine, and cop shows on TV.
I don't know exactly what caused it, but I'll admit that it's been happening to me a lot lately. Does this happen to anyone else? Like suddenly you are emotionally transported back to a moment, being able to vividly recall it as though not much time has passed at all?
For the rest of my walk home, I thought about those long commutes from my past, and how life used to be. And then I met my daughter at the bus stop, and life before motherhood felt like a blur again.
But soon, it happened again as my mind impromptuly drifted off. Hours after the sun had set, our family of four (mom, dad, kid, and dog) found ourselves sitting sat around a coffee table filled with drinks, pizza, and scattered deck of cards, playing a game altogether that my husband and I once used to play during pre-game before heading out to for a night out in the city. But this time, we were playing by our daughter's rules, which included a lot of smiles and laughs, as we realized just how different everything was now.
Between what happened on my walk home and our family time at home, I found myself thinking about just how much time had passed, as well as all of the different chapters that I've come to have in Chicago over these past fifteen years of my residency.
Sometimes I can't believe it's been that long. Fifteen years. That's nearly as long as my childhood and adolescence in Pittsburgh.
But what's most apparent to me is just how many chapters I've gone through during this period of time. Or better put, all that I've experienced and learned, and how much I've grown and healed.
Perhaps life is more about each of your chapters, and not an emphasis the whole story from beginning to end? After all, we all go through so many stages in our lives, and within them are the characters we met, the choices we make, the chances we take, and the lessons we learn.
Just thinking about it, I feel my time in Chicago is a story in itself, with my different chapters aligning well with my multiple addresses.
Chapter One: North Pine Grove Avenue
Single girl in the big city, all alone with her first broken heart, undiagnosed anxiety, and an unexpected journey ahead.
Chapter Two: North Sheridan Road
Roommates with my first-ever boyfriend, turned fiancé, and then husband. We had a lot of fun, but also found ourselves faced with a sudden onset of health issues.
Chapter Three: Bonnie Brae Place
Adjustment to a suburban lifestyle, soon accompanied by our baby girl and our search for answers to help my husband's ongoing health struggles.
Chapter Four: My In-laws House
Supported by our family and friends during a very difficult time for all, especially my husband whose symptoms continued to grow.
Chapter Five: Root Street
Moved into a rental house right before the Covid pandemic and doing our best to keep living life despite all of the unknowns. And now we finally have the dog I always dream of.
Chapter Six: Clara Drive
Definitely not part of any foreseen plan, but after a rough summer of unexpected changes, just doing my best to keep going.
It really has been quite the ride, and I probably haven't even shared most of what it's really been life for me or our family. And there are also a lot of questions and pondering that no one else really knows, other than a few close friends who have been on the receiving end of my honest thoughts and potentially crazy confessions.
But what I will share is that for awhile now, I've really come to see my husband's health struggles as the main component of my life's journey. In a way, it's been truly traumatic; but also such beauty in how my eyes have been opened to some universal challenges, ultimately causing my forever-changing mindset and empathy for others facing similar personal struggles.
As I have reflected on my past, I've begun to see that my Chicago chapters were more about me than I ever really gave credit to. I also wonder if there was more to what brought me here in the first place, and why I've remained here, especially after I was so desperate to get back to Ohio nearby so many of my friends.
Was the city of Chicago always meant to be the background of my narrative?
Has my time here been much more about me and my own character development than I've ever fully realized until now?
Maybe?
Or maybe I just hope so, as it gives me something to believe in.