This past weekend, I headed back to the East coast for a friend's wedding in my beloved Ohio.
There were so many potential opportunities to cancel- our frantic move, my husband's emerging symptoms, my stress and full body fatigue- and really, all of the above. But as the Co-Matron of Honor and Flower Girl, my daughter and I wanted to be there, as long as we could. And I am so glad we were, as I will forever embrace being able to stand by our kind-hearted and beautiful friend as she married the man of her dreams. Seeing her glowing with love and happiness, both of which I have known she deserved over the fourteen years of our friendship, and also watching my daughter shine in her role as a first-time flower girl, I found my own heart to be filled with peace, and my soul purely content while taking in Ohio's crisp autumn air.
My favorite time of year, in one of my favorite places. ❤️🧡💛🤎💚
While the wedding was calming in so many ways, and I was so happy to be able to give my Taylor Swift-inspired speech with my daughter sitting in my lap, I'd be lying if I didn't share that it also brought back bittersweet memories of my own "big day".
I am confident that some of my memories are quite different than most other brides, but I will never forget having so many of my family members and friends - the majority generously traveling from Pittsburgh, Ohio, and even further away- and being embraced by their love while we exchanged our vows, only a month after my husband's ten-day hospitalization and the unexpected sudden-onset of his neurocognitive disorder.
When I think about it, our wedding really was the beginning of two eras:
Our Marriage & My Husband's Battle with Chronic Health Issues.
Honestly, the latter has played a much bigger role these past nine years than any form of an average traditional family-style marriage. Unfortunately, it's fair to say that our marriage has been my husband's chronic health issues, with the biggest and best bonus of being able to also be parents to our daughter these past seven years.
Hearing my friend and her husband exchange their vows and speaking the words "In Sickness and In Health", I silently prayed that they wouldn't have to suffer through health issues like we have. While I whole-heartedly believe that their love would be able to overcome any battle, and they would stand by the vows they shared, I wouldn't wish what we've gone through on them- or anyone else for that matter.
I think about these traditional vows a lot, and the phrase "In Sickness and In Health" specifically. When I said them, on August 16, 2014, everyone in the church knew the emotional impact of these words, as they were well aware of what we had gone through in the month prior.
But those words have really resonated with me after the wedding ceremony than when I said them in a white dress in front of my family and friends. I have stood by my husband in so much sickness, more than anyone will probably ever really know as a lot of his struggles are in the privacy of our home.
And as a newlywed in her thirties, my wifey experience likely aligned more with those at least twice my age when declining is much more of an anticipated norm.
I was once the spouse , and then also the co-parent, like so many of my peers, but the term caregiver more accurately explained my role for a few years, especially as I truly felt like I had lost the devoted husband I had married, the hands-on-father I was blessed to raise my daughter along with, my personal confidante, and second leader for our family.
My marriage era has been far from a fairytale, but in essence, it is a real-life love story, as sometimes love is more about choosing to stand by someone through their ups-and-downs than some romantic affair.
Our marriage is not the version I imagined for us, nor would have wanted, but I will forever & always value my commitment to our vows and the well-being of best my husband and our daughter.