The other day was quite a day.
It was a day that started off with mama cuddles before the alarm and fifteen attempted calls to a radio station for Taylor Swift concert tickets, but an hour later soon had my heart feeling heavy and my mind full.
Walking through the hospital's emergency room doors into work, I couldn't move past the emotions I was feeling and the thoughts and questions that circled around in my head.
What just happened?
Most of the day, I shifted between feeling super emotional and completely numb. I couldn't forget some of the words that were said, which also caused a resurgence of bittersweet emotions, memories, pain, and the ultimate question of How did I get here?
And maybe, more importantly, I wondered, What am I going to do now?
For most of the day, I had absolutely no idea what to do other than stop on the way home for a bottle of wine. But it was at the store that I got my answer.
With a basket full of my daughter's favorite snacks for her sleepover and one bottle of Cabernet for me, I stopped in the jewelry section across from the checkout and caught sight of a bracelet that stood out amongst the rest.
Keep Going.
That's what it said, though it felt like it really said Keep Fucking Going after looking at it longer.
The words hit me hard, as though they were a message I was meant to get. Maybe even part of an answer to some of my prayers.
I thought about buying the bracelet, but held off because of our financial strains. But the message has stayed with me, serving as a guiding light over the last week.
So I'll keep going. Like I've always done. Sometimes I really don't think I have any other choice but to do so, even though there are days when I truly feel like I can't keep going or feel like I don't have anything else to give.
Because this is has been the most difficult and challenging thing that I've ever ever experienced in my whole life, and I will never say anything but that.
And while I may seem so strong or appear to have any control over my life or the situation I've found myself to be in, the struggles are real and most days I have no idea how I'm make it through the moment let alone do it again next day.