Does everything really happen for a reason?
And is that reason something that we can only understand in hindsight, possibly even weeks, months or years later?
Tonight, the last night in this house, I am sitting on my front porch with a glass of wine and my furry drinking buddy, and I can't stop thinking about the 1,000-plus days that we've lived here and all of the personal challenges and familial obstacles that lived here along with us.
This summer alone, there were so many private battles that I faced alone and alongside my husband as we learned within a week of each other that my position at the hospital was terminated and this house was being torn down.
I was so numb for the first few days, sleeping as much as possible and having absolutely no appetite at all. I watched reruns of Chicago PD, Med, and Fire as I texted with colleagues and friends, looked at job opportunities, searched for rentals, and hosted playdates for our family's favorite seven-year olds and their dogs.
I hadn't experienced a funk like that in a long time, not even throughout these past nine years of medical struggles and unknowns with my husband since it's required me to fight and not give up despite the many odds.
But losing my job, which was our main source of income, and worrying about being able to qualify for a new rental home due to our mounts of debt, my heart simply broke for awhile.
But the love for my family and support from friends, some of who I was able to tell "I'm at my breaking point" and feel like I was truly cared for, I was able to keep going.
And I'm so glad I did, and I didn't give up.
I'm thankful that I had the inner strength to believe that there was some a plan, and I just couldn't see the behind-the-scenes workings, so just had to do my part by trusting and having faith, and having a ton of patience.
And I'm beyond blessed to share that it all worked out, and we have a new place to call our home that is not only in our community, but my daughter is also able to stay in her school longterm as the rental house is in the school zones.
How it all happened is truly a miracle, and the people responsible for helping us finalize the agreement are Godsend answers to our daily prayers.
There's so much more to this that I could share about what we really went through and how it ended up working out, but in a way I'm emotionally speechless and forever grateful.
Along this journey, my biggest fear has been being put in a position where my family would be separated. Sadly, as much as I hate to admit it, it was something that was discussed a few times and thought about even more this past month. I hated even having to think about it, but with no new rentals coming through, we had to consider other options for our daughter's wellbeing.
I prayed so hard, and worked even harder to try and make something work. I just knew it was so unfair that we even had to be in this position with everything else we've gone through, but there was something in me that felt that it was all going to work out in time.
I didn't know how, and maybe we aren't supposed to know. We simply have to live our lives, guided love and kindness, and do our best to have faith and trust that it will all work out exactly how it needs to.
Your patience will be tested, but in the end, maybe it's all about the divine timing and being prepared and ready when that time comes .
I don't know what's next for us, or how this journey is going to play out. A lot of times, I think that a proper diagnosis would be able to give us a better idea of that. But then sometimes, I think that as hard as it is to not fully know, maybe it is better for him.
Maybe one day, the time will come and we'll have a reason, but for now I'm going to do my best to focus on what we do have.
Each other, and a place to make a new home.